Rogue Echoes
Rogue Echoes [7] : Self Doubt
9:27 AM
Doubting is one of the evil hobbies that I constantly do whenever I will be left in my room and will have a threesome with my blanket and pillow. Those are the moments when questions start to drown me till I cannot find any answers to answer them all.
People who are close to me knows how boring my life is and maybe that is the reason why I have a very active social media life (or at least its a lot more joyful than my life away from virtual world). And when I started blogging about stories that I created and share the links of my new updates on my timeline, this is the normal conversation that happens:
Officemate: Uy may blog ka pala?
Me: Ah Oo.
Officemate: Tungkol saan?
Me: Stories hehe.
Officemate: Anong stories?
Me: (doubts if ill say its m2m stories) Love stories yung mga sinusulat ko (sigh.. play safe)
Officemate: Ah... So kumikita ka ba diyan?
Me: Nope :)
Officemate: Huh? Eh ano ang silbi niyan?
And there goes the magic word “doubt”. And Yes, at some point I doubted if I should continue writing. Considering our economy today where everyone is told to be practical and to use their time wisely, why would I indeed waste my time figuring out how a person was infected with MPD or how a closeted guy went on a mission and became a crossdresser?
But before I could answer those questions, I was moved by an email sent to me by Nathaniel Xander Rosenberg last evening. And here is what he told me:
“Good evening sir Rouge!
Nanghihinayang ako kung bakit sa isang blog lang nailathala ang story na "way back into love".
why??
because it should be in hard covered books, pocketbooks, movies, and teleseryes!
i always want to read a homosexual love story. ive been searching for blogs and likes para makakita ng isang hindi basta bastang short story, i want a masterpiece. Your masterpiece really sets bar of being one of the best writers ive known focusing on homosexual relationship.
The prolouge of the story really makes the story stand out among all of your stories. You introduced the characters without knowing who are they. And i must admit that this is the best prolouge that ive read!
Natakot akong basahin ang mga next chapters dahil sa pangambang puro sabaw lang ang mga chapters— mga parts na isinulat lang para may maidagdag lang. but i was wrong. very wrong. The chapters you made in the story really makes it shines. they are all essential. walang plot holes at walang dangling parts. very well done!
lastly, mas matindi pa pala ang mangyayari sa epilouge! grabe umiiyak ako sa binabasa ko— which is my first time to act like that, which is somehow one of the reasons that i love the story.
About the technicalities, hindi na ako masyadong magbabanggit ng kung anu ano dahil i love your writing style, ver genuine and mayroong finesse .
all in all, i love to thank you for this wonderful experience to be part of one of the persons who read in your blogs.
thank you again and have a wonderful evening.
btw, my name Nathaniel Xander Rosenberg, 18
ciao. :)”
You know at first, I think my officemate and some of the people who told me the same remark had a point. But then when I read your comments, your emails and when I will always remember why I started writing in the first place. I trashed the idea that they might be right.
I wouldn't want to elaborate why I started writing and blogging in the first place but definitely, its not because I wanted a money blog that could pay my rent or buy a pack of weed. But one thing I know is that I write stories because it feels right and I feel that what Im doing is right and satisfactory. And Nathan and people like him are my reasons to continue what Im doing. We maybe devils that the Bible abhors but I promise, Im gonna continue writing stories until I can and until they can be sent in heaven and to people who thinks that we should be burned in hell...
-Rogue Mercado
Post Note: TAC 15 on weekends :)
4 Violent Reactions!
You're doubting yourself!? MANIWALA! Nakita ko kasi yung post ni Gaston Francisco tapos may isa pang Ilocano na nagComment sa FB mo tapos you're doubting yourself pa!?
ReplyDeleteAH BASTA! GWAPO KA PA DIN!
Hi rogue,
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry I can't comprehend why your having doubts, what I know is your a great writer and no one can't deny that.
Keep on writing and inspiring.
Napadaan lang.!
ReplyDeleteThere are times talaga na you doubt yourself pero maniwala ka lang. Magaling ka kuya. Pero hindi siguro dun 'yung tanong kung magaling ka or hindi, but maybe the passion. Writing is your passion and not your profession. Iyon kasi 'yung iniisip ng iba na sayang lang oras mo sa ganito bakit hindi mo pagkakitaan, di ba? Kung ano ang mas matimbang sa puso mo, sundin mo. Hehehe.
ReplyDeletePS. You're a great writer. :-)
Say anything you want! Rogue Mercado doesnt bite! :D